Blegggghhh

     I come to you, dear blog, with no excuse or apology for not posting...and a chimichanga and a glass of sugary lemonade. No excuses for those either. I've crashed, guys. I've crashed hard. I've eaten soooo much today...and purged every time. Egg in a nest on WHITE bread fried in EVOO with a side of BACON? In my toilet. Half-caffe machiatto? Coffee shop toilet. Cinnamon scone? School toilet. Mushroom and onion omelette? Cafe toilet. And soon the things I'm eating now will join the rest of my vomit in the New York City sewers.

     I don't know why I'm doing this. I've never really purged before; maybe once or twice. I have no reason to feel shitty, or at least not shittier than usual. Things have been going great school-wise, socially, with K(who I see Sunday), and my weight hasn't changed in forever. I don't understand.

     Honestly though...I'm scared. I though for a while my ana was getting better...but today's behavior tells me otherwise. The whole binge nd purge thing terrifies me. Always swore I'd never do this. That's a promise that got broken.

     I hate making myself throw up. My throat hurts, my eyes water, I got little blood spots under the skin around my eyes, my mouth tastes disgusting, and I just feel like shit. But today it was like an addiction. I just really hope tomorrow goes better. Even if I have to fast; I just don't want to keep purging.