So...Hello.

     I've never really had a blog before, so I don't know what I'm doing. I'll figure it out as I go along. Bear with me, though.

     Anyway. Hi. My name is Azzie, and I'm a senior in a New York private all-girls school. I'm a major english nerd, and I love art. Oh, yeah-I'm anorexic.

     I guess that's really what this blog is supposed to be about, no point in dicking around it. I've been anorexic for about a year now, and I've lost a good bit of weight since then. I'm 4'11(yes, I'm short.), and I used to average in around 120lbs, with a BMI of 24.2. I now scale in at 80 pounds. BMI 16.2. 

     There wasn't really a point where I decided to become anorexic; it doesn't happen like that. And I never really thought I was fat. I started to eat less and less around the time I was raped by an older friend-though, sorry, guys. Not quit ready to talk about that yet. But, yeah, I think that was what set it off. I'd always been the type who doesn't eat a lot when I get depressed or stressed out, and I guess that the rape just aggravated it. I still notice that during stressful or upsetting times, I eat less than I already do. Which, obviously isn't much.

     Now, before we get off on the wrong foot, this isn't a pro-ana blog. I don't condone anorexia, and I think all the girls who wish they had it are a bit touched, to put it lightly. What I'm here to talk about is just my day-to-day life, dealing with my illness. I feel like most people talk about it like it's this entirely horrible thing, and they just hate it and want it gone. And then there are the other lunes who love their anorexia, and rave about it, and all they ever talk about is how OMG YOU GUYS I LOST ANOTHER POUND!!!!!. 

     I'm not like any of that. Anorexia has it's upsides, and it's definite downs. I realize I'm risking my health and life, I'm not stupid. But loosing weight is addictive. Like, if I can just drop another 5 pounds, maybe my thighs won't jiggle anymore, and there won't be anything else to pinch on my stomach. And I feel like...my anorexia gives me the power to control something in a life that's constantly being dictated to me by other people. It's like, if I'm strong enough to skip this next meal, then I'm strong enough to take anything on. It's empowering. And to feel empowered, I think the risk to my health is worth it.

     So, really, this is just gonna be me, talking about life. Mostly about my life as an anorexic. Obviously. So. Yeah. Tune back in soonish to see if I have another post. I'll try to update frequently.

(Hmm. I wonder if people will actually read this.)