I'm such a masochistic freak...

     I've stopped getting page views...Pooh. Haven't had any for 2 days.

     Anyway, moving on. I had a bit of a pig-out today, but it's fine, as it was all under my calorie limit. I try to stick to 500 or less a day. Not so hard, considering I'm very used to eating only one meal a day, even before my ana. So I had 3oz of spicy curly fries(150 cal), 3 slices of cheese melted on top (180 cal), 2 tbs of ketchup (30 cals), 1 celery stick, and 1 tbs of salmon roe caviar on top of it (40 cals). Plus some black tea and Splenda. Total: 400 cals

     It's strange; for someone who has so many issues with food, I adore it. I love cooking it, reading and watching about exotic and exquisite types of it( Antony Bourdain and Andrew Zimmern are some of my favorite people EVER), eating said exotic and exquisite foods, and that kinda thing. I have a passion for the gourmet and unusual food, especially fruit. I can spend hours shopping in Asian food markets and the like, and my favorite foods (Lychee, rambutan, dragon fruit, truffles, and quail) are things that most people don't ever eat. I'm happiest when I'm slaving over a hot stove, cooking for my family....Only to then take my share upstairs and flush it down the toilet. I love going to gourmet restaurants, and it's a double bonus since the servings are so tiny, I don't feel too guilty.

     The worst bit of it all is that most of the time, this pleasure is double-sided. It's a bit torturous to have to deprive myself of all the lovely things out there. Sometimes I just have a good cry after flushing what I'd just cooked, or googling something particularly yummy looking. It's miserable.

      But then there are those lovely moments when I find things I can eat, even in small quantities. And I guess that makes it better, since I tend to eat a lovely variety of things, when I do it.

      What do you, my non-existent viewers, make of it all?